mini_dean | This is your life - are you who you wanna be?

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This is your life - are you who you wanna be?

Ben sat in the corner of a jail cell in the main police precinct, waiting for a booking. He was resting his head on the cold bench that served as a bed, the coldness bringing down the heat in his body.

Drug possession was the reason he was there. Along with resisting arrest and attacking a police officer. The last of which also accounted for the bruises and cut on his face, joining the ones that were already fading from Jeff's attack on him over a week ago.

He was coming off another high, shaking and needing more. It was two days ago that he had snuck away from Sam Winchester's apartment, taking his few things and just disappearing into the streets of Manhattan. All he had wanted was to find a way home. But at the Greyhound station, a woman with blonde hair and a gentle smile wrapped her arm around his shoulder and led him away.

The last 48 hours were a haze after that, until the cops invaded the warehouse he had been in. The blonde had been wrapped around his waist, white power coating both their bodies... and now he was here having a bad withdrawal and just wanting to go home.

His cell phone had been confiscated, and the police had gone through the contacts. They came across [Dean - Dad] first in the list before [Mom] and so that was the phone number that was dialed so someone could come speak for the man who was, in the opinion, not competent enough to speak for himself.

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Riley slid into the passenger's side and settled in, starting to look through his briefcase. "How're Beth and Maddie?"

"They're good," Dean nodded as he got ready to start the car and pull it out into the streets of the city. "They're doing really well."

"Good," Riley nodded. "That's good."

Ben's head tilted just a bit. He wasn't going to show that he was interested, but it was the first time that Dean had talked about his half sister since he had run into his father again.

And it was only natural he wanted to know something about Maddie.

"She still taking those music lessons?"

Dean snorted slightly, before nodding. "You'd have to surgically remove the guitar from her hands. She loves it though, and it keeps her out of trouble, so who am I to complain." Or so he thought. If Dean knew about a certain older boy, then it would have been a totally different story.

"Tell her I've got tickets for that show she wanted to see -- I can't make it the night of, but if she and a friend wanted to go, have her give me a call at the office."

"Show?" Ben asked, looking towards the front seat to see Riley.

"Little Mermaid," Riley replied with a smirk, turning back to face Ben. "They were a gift from a client, but my nieces aren't going to be in the city that weekend, so I can't take them. I figured Maddie might put them to better use."

"She's been clamoring about it since she was a kid," Dean said with a sigh, hiding somewhat how pleased he was that Ben was taking an interest in his half-sister. At least it was a step in the right direction. "We just never had the time to really take her."

Ben just wrinkled his nose. Girls. Now if had been a concert to a decent place, he might have been tempted to offer to even chaperon his half-sister in an attempt to "get to know her better".

Little Mermaid? There wasn't a chance in HELL he'd go to that.

"Yeah, well it's a play about a singing mermaid. Not really all that involving." And he was back to acting like he didn't care again.

"I think it's the experience more than anything else," Riley sighed, tilting his head to the side slightly. "And they're relatively decent seats, so she'll probably have a pretty good time. It's more about interaction between audience and cast than the story itself." Then again, Riley was a theater person. As far as Ben was concerned, that explanation might just come off as being clear as mud.

"She'll probably take Anna with her, if she's still in town," Dean replied, coasting the Impala to a stop at the traffic light. "Maybe one of her other friends from school."

"How can the audience interact with the cast? A play is just a big live action recreation of a movie. Not like they are pulling people on stage and crap. You want audience interaction? Take her to Rocky Horror."

"Dude," Dean looked back over at his shoulder at his son, and Riley laughed. "She's sixteen. She doesn't need to see all of that." He still had nightmares about Rocky Horror. Dean didn't need to think about his little girl involved in that.

"I was thinking more of a -- metaphysical interaction. And you get different nuances on stage." Riley shrugged slightly, before looking out the window. "I studied theater in college. It was something to do with my time."

"I saw Rocky when I was fourteen. It's not that bad." Ben rolled his eyes.

Then again, he really wasn't a poster child for well adjusted adult, so that's not saying much there.

"Rocky isn't that bad," Riley seconded. "It could be far worse. She could be going out seeing Hair."

"Hair?" Dean frowned.

"Never mind," Riley smirked. "I should know better to assume things about your theatrical prowess." The Impala coasted up to the curb, and Riley got out, before turning back to Dean. "Give me a minute and I'll get you those tickets."

"No problem," Dean nodded, placing the car into park.

Ben was quiet a moment in the back seat. Suddenly the Impala just got a whole lot smaller.

"At least you won't have to worry about me for 30 days now," Ben said softly from his spot in the back seat.

Dean glanced back at Ben through the rear view mirror, watching him for a moment, before responding, turning his eyes back out the window again. "Gonna worry about you anyway."

It was kind of a complex. Anyone who knew that knew he didn't go long without worrying about someone, and this was no exception. "It's kind of my thing."

"You should just let Jeff take me out. You got the kid you wanted. Don't need me here screwing it all up." He muttered softly to himself.

Dean paused for a minute, watching him through the rear view mirror again, before turning around to face him from the driver's seat. "I always wanted you, Ben. That hasn't changed."

And that was the truth. The problems that came with Ben -- those he could probably live without, but Ben the person? He never hadn't wanted a son. He never hadn't wanted Ben when he was a kid. That week in Cicero where he was playing dad -- not intentionally, but it had happened -- was probably one of the best weeks out of that year, and he couldn't even begin to count the number of times he'd looked back on it, regretting that he couldn't stay.

Ben snorted, but instead of tossing a smark remark back, he just lowered his head a bit more. There really wasn't any way he could not act like he was fine. Dean was seeing him at his lowest moment and facing time in rehab in substitute for jail.

"I'm not that 8 year old anymore, Dean. He's been dead a long time. What you see is what you get with me."

"Never said I expected you to be," Dean replied slowly. He knew that people changed and he didn't expect Ben to be any different. "And I never said I had a problem with that either. Mind you -- I don't mean that I think you should keep doing stupid shit like this." Because eventually, the FBI was going to catch on to the fact that Dean wasn't dead if Dean kept having to bail Ben out of jail.

"But I never said I wasn't going to take you as you are. Family's family. You take 'em whether they're at their best or their worst."

"It's all that I have," Ben kept talking, not looking up. Somewhere in this Dean had earned that bit of trust that Ben was able to talk a bit without yelling or screaming. "It makes the pain go away."

Dean paused for a minute, running his hand across the front of his mouth lightly. "I get that. A lot more than you may think." More than he'd ever really be able to explain, but that would come much later. "But -- it's not real, Ben. It doesn't last. You just -- you have to find something else to hold on to. Something real and solid. Otherwise it's going to kill you more easily than that pain ever will."

Ben scoffed at that. "You make it sound easy. You're the one with a brother, wife and daughter who love you. I've got Mom who..." He licked his lips.

"I love my Mom, but I can't forgive her for this."

"Oh, trust me. It's anything but easy," Dean said slowly. "But you're mom's trying, Ben. She wants to make this right. And maybe you didn't have it before, but you have me now. And an uncle and a half-sister, and a stepmother. We're here to help -- even if we haven't seemed like it so far."

Ben leaned his head against the backseat and looked out the back window. "You say that now..."

"Trust me, Ben, what you can dish out can't be worse than anything I haven't already been through," Dean sighed heavily, before looking back at him. "I don't intentionally abandon people. I may screw up, sometimes majorly, and when I do I try to do whatever I can to fix it, but I don't intentionally turn my back on people when they need me. So I'm here. Whether you like it or not, whether you want me to be or not."